Mighty Boosh and Doctor Who

As the Doctor paced around the TARDIS, he was trying to decide where he should go. He was bored with there being no aliens to fight and no assistant to help him. Maybe he should go look for a new assistant ....... but where from, what country, what time period! The Doctor walked over to the panel and he put in for the date: 2008-08-13. He closed his eyes and put in any coordinations. He pulled all the leavers and pushed the controls. The TARDIS followed the coordinations to the destination it had been set.

The Doctor opened the door and took in his surroundings. He recognised where he was..... London. The Doctor stepped out of the doorway and closed the door of the blue box. Why had he been brought here? Did the TARDIS bring him here or was it just the coordinations. He ran in to the TARDIS and looked at the coordinations. The coordinations were different to the coordinations of the area he was in. The Doctor knew this because he had been here before. But why had he been brought back here? Maybe it was just fate. The Doctor put on his long, brown coat and he stepped back outside. He wasn’t sure about where he should search first. He just decided to wander around London; he wasn’t all too sure about what part of London he was in.

~

“We’re serious Howard, this blue phone box just landed outside!” Vince said to Howard. Howard just looked up angrily at Michelle and Vince. Howard put down his Jazz catalogue and stood up from behind the counter.
“Why do you two love to make things up?” Howard questioned. Vince and Michelle looked at each other and then looked at Howard innocently.
“Howard, we’re serious ok, we aren’t lying this time, go over to the window and take a look for yourself!” Michelle shouted. Howard looked at the pair and he walked over to the stairs. Michelle and Vince sighed with rage as they followed Howard up the stairs. Howard looked behind him and saw Vince and Michelle at his feet.
“Why the hell are you following me?” Howard demanded.
“We just want you to look outside,” Vince answered.
“Ok, so far today, you two have told me two things that weren’t true. Number one was that you thought you saw the Crack Fox near Naboo’s potion’s cabinet. At first I didn’t believe you because we killed him but I looked anyway. When I looked it was Michelle’s brown feather boa. And then you thought you saw the Hitcher in the bathroom. I looked in and there was nothing there so I don’t even see why you bothered making up that one!” Howard shouted. Vince just stared at him boredly.
“Yeah but when we made up the second one we were bored!” Vince shouted.

Howard sat down on the settee angrily. Vince and Michelle just looked at each other and then at Howard.
“Well, I think you made all of that up to annoy me,” Howard said calmly. Michelle sat next to Howard and made a signal at Vince to sit on the other side of Howard.
“Howard, we’re really sorry for making up those other two things but this time we are not lying just take a look through the window and you’ll see a blue box,” Michelle reassured Howard. But he still looked very angrily at Michelle. But then a doorbell came from downstairs. The trio looked in the direction of the door with a confused look on their faces.
“I didn’t even know we had a doorbell!” Vince piped up.

~

As the Doctor stood outside, he looked over to the TARDIS. He turned back to the door and was just about to knock at the door again until he saw three figures coming down the stairs. He looked closer at the figures and saw that there were two women and one man. The Doctor smiled as the man came up to the door. The two women stood at the window staring curiously at the Doctor although they were both smiling.

The man pointed at the sign and mouthed the words “We’re closed” to the Doctor. The Doctor’s smile dropped and he sighed. He looked at the man and mouthed the words “Please, let me in”. Mean while inside the shop....

~

Howard sighed he frowned at the man. Vince looked him up and down and sniggered and Michelle knew exactly why.
“I think he’s pretty fit,” Michelle smirked but she still looked at the man. Vince frowned at Michelle, but he looked back at the man. Howard sighed and looked at the pair.
“Why won’t he just leave?!” Howard said. Michelle sighed and walked over to Howard. She pushed Howard away from the door and looked at him.
“It won’t hurt to let him in!” she said to Howard. She turned to the door and smiled at the man. Michelle unlocked the door. The man smiled at Michelle as she opened the door.
“Hi, sorry for the long wait. Come in!” Michelle said kindly as she took the man’s hand and led him in to the shop.

“Well this is a nice place,” the Doctor said as he put his hands in his pocket.
“Thanks, we try to keep it looking its best,” Michelle smiled.
“Oh, I should introduce myself, I’m the Doctor,” he said. Michelle’s smile dropped, she recognised that name from somewhere, and she recognised the blue box outside. Vince and Howard looked at the Doctor, confused.
“JUST the Doctor?” Howard asked.
“Yep!” the Doctor said.
“Oh, ok, well I’m Howard Moon, Jazz Maverick,” Howard said, putting out his hand for the Doctor to shake, the Doctor took Howard’s hand with a smile.
“I’m Vince Noir-” Vince started but was interrupted.
“Electro ponce,” Howard sniggered. Vince gave Howard a dirty look. Inside the Doctor felt embarrassed by the fact that he thought Vince was a lady.
“And I’m Michelle Bedille, just ignore those two morons, they’re always bickering. Just out of curiosity, is that blue box outside yours?” Michelle said.
“Yes, it is, why?” the Doctor answered. Michelle smiled.
“Oh, just curious,” Michelle answered. Howard looked at Michelle.
“What, there really is a blue box outside?” Howard questioned.
“Yeah, Howard we weren’t lying!” Vince piped up. Howard ran to the window and looked around. Surely enough, there was the blue box that Michelle and Vince had been telling him about. Howard turned back to face the Doctor, who was still smiling.
“So, what is it your here for exactly?” Howard asked. The Doctor looked up, trying to think what it was he came here for but then he remembered that he was brought here by the TARDIS. The Doctor looked at the trio and sighed.
“To be honest with you, I haven’t got a single clue,” the Doctor said. The trio just looked at him, their smiles dropped.
“Oh well, that doesn’t matter, we’ll probably be able to help you find what you want,” Michelle chirped.

The lights started to flicker and the clocks stopped. The people outside stopped in mid-walk. The Doctor stopped moving too. No sounds could be heard. Only Michelle, Vince and Howard weren’t frozen.
“What the hell is going on?” Howard shouted. Someone started to talk to the trio and it was coming from the Doctor but only his lips were moving.
“Howard, Vince, Michelle, it’s me Naboo...... who the hell is this berk?!” Naboo said, through the body of the Doctor.
“Never mind that, what’s the matter Naboo?” Michelle answered.
“Ok, me and the other shaman have been captured, and you’re in trouble too Michelle,” Naboo answered.
“Where are you?” Vince asked.
“Well, our captors didn’t give us a map!” Naboo shouted, “All I know is that we are in outer space,” Naboo answered. The trio looked at each other.
“Well what are we meant to do?” Howard questioned.
“Ok, go in to my special potions cabinet and take the crystal ball and the container that is marked ‘Shaman Tonic’. The ‘Shaman Tonic’ is a gel and what you must do is rub it on the crystal ball, it’ll give you directions to where we are, don’t, and I mean don’t, eat the ‘Shaman Tonic’, ok? And remember-” but Naboo’s sentence got cut short and time was back to normal.
“Yeah sorry about Naboo’s conversation being cut short. I remember Naboo very well, I hope he isn’t still sore about losing that game of Reversi,” the Doctor said.
“What the HELL is Reversi,” Vince demanded.
“It’s sort of a board game,” Howard answered. “Anyway, I thought Naboo froze time.”
“He did but you can’t freeze a Time Lord!” Michelle said. The Doctor stared at her, astonished.
“How do you know?” the Doctor questioned.
“Oh please, I’m not a moron like these two. I remember you with your witty little comments, I mean, I did travel with you for about 5 months when I was little, I mean, don’t you remember me?” Michelle asked the Doctor.
“Well I do now,” the Doctor said.
“Wait, stop for one second, what the hell is a Time Lord?” Howard demanded.
“A Time Lord travels through time and space, saves galaxies and planets from evil aliens. A Time Lord travels in a TARDIS, and comes from the planet Gallifrey,” Michelle answered.
“Wow, you know your stuff,” the Doctor said. “Anyway, you two get the stuff Naboo asked for, Michelle, come with me.”

Vince and Howard ran to the cabinet whilst Michelle followed the Doctor to the TARDIS. Michelle smiled as she stepped in; all the memories were coming back to her of the times she travelled with the Doctor. The Doctor walked to the green pillar in the centre of the TARDIS.
“You are brilliant!” the Doctor said to the pillar. "No wonder you brought me here, to find Michelle again. Is that who you want me to have as my next assistant, Michelle?” the Doctor said to the TARDIS. At the mention of her name, Michelle looked up at the Doctor and opened her mouth to say something, but she thought it was best not to say anything. There was a bang at the door of the TARDIS, as if someone was throwing their whole body at it...... or at least someone else’s. Michelle stood up and walked over to the door, she opened a bit and looked outside, when she realised who it was, she opened the door all the way. Howard was holding a hysterical Vince by one arm, that was what had hit the door, Howard had literally thrown Vince at the door; Howard was looked extremely outraged.
"He had to lick his fingers, didn't he?! He rubbed that tonic on the ball and started to rub it on my face, laughing is head off. And then he thought it smelt like strawberry bootlaces so he had to lick his bloody fingers; I don't even think strawberry bootlaces have a strong smell!!" Howard shouted. Vince was still laughing.
"Oh my God, lay him down now!" Michelle said to Howard. As Vince lay down, laughing, Michelle put her hand on Vince's forehead to check his temperature. But then Vince's body started to go in to spasm, as if he was having an epileptic fit but he was still laughing. "What should we do?"
"Bring him over here," the Doctor said. Howard and Michelle brought Vince over to the Doctor. Howard's eyes widened and he dropped Vince. He started to run out of the TARDIS and then back in, continuously, Michelle grabbed Howard by the shoulders and slapped him, the Doctor laughed this sight.
"Yes, I know Howard, it's bigger on the inside than it is on the outside," the Doctor said. Howard frowned at the Doctor.
"That is such an understatement," Howard said. The Doctor turned away from Howard and started to look for something. Michelle knelt back down next to Vince and started to check his pulse, but she looked very confused.
"Well that's weird...." Michelle muttered.
"What is?" the Doctor asked, not turning around to face Michelle.
"Well, although Vince is having a fit and is laughing hysterically and he's so hot you cooked cook something on his head, his pulse is totally normal...." Michelle answered, also not turning to face the Doctor. The Doctor found what he was looking for and put them down on the floor next to Vince, Michelle looked at them, trying to remember what they were. "There nanogenes, aren't they?" Michelle asked.
"Yes, you're right," the Doctor said.
"What do they do?" Howard asked.
"You'll see," Michelle answered for the Doctor. The nanogenes did their work on Vince and then crawled back to the Doctor. Vince's laughter and fits deceased. Michelle put her hand back on to Vince's forehead. Vince's eyes opened and he shooed Michelle's hand with his own. He sat up and took in his surroundings.
"It's bigger on the inside then it is on the outside," Vince said, looking very confused.
"I've already said that is an understatement!" Howard shouted. Vince just stared at Howard. Michelle sighed and walked over to stand next to the Doctor and they smiled at each other. Vince looked up at the Doctor.
"You know, it tasted nothing like liquorice, it tasted more like..... like..... well it just tasted disgusting!" Vince said, outraged. Michelle smirked and walked over to Vince.
"Don't worry, I'll sort the back of your hair out," Michelle said to Vince. Vince smiled at Michelle and looked back over to the Doctor.
"I'm not surprised, all that spazzing out didn't exactly do it any good," Vince sighed. Michelle started untangle Vince's hair, it didn't exactly take her long, and when she had finished, Vince had started to pick at a loose bit of string on his trousers.
"So, are we going?" Howard asked. The Doctor looked up at Howard.
"Well, I'll be honest with you; I was only going to bring Michelle with me because she's the one in danger...." the Doctor answered.
"Oh, Doctor, it wouldn't hurt to let my friends come with us ..... would it?" Michelle asked. The Doctor looked at Michelle's face, then he looked at Howard. Howard wasn't exactly showing any emotion on his face. And then he looked at Vince, Vince had stopped playing with the loose string and was peering curiously at the Doctor, although smiling. The Doctor sighed and looked back at Michelle.
"Well, yes, I guess it wouldn't hurt. They can come with us," the Doctor smiled. Michelle jumped and gave the Doctor a hug.

The Doctor turned and installed the temporary guidance system, Vince realised something and looked up at the Doctor.
"So this is the TARDIS, right?" Vince asked.
"Correct," the Doctor answered.
"What does it stand for?" Vince asked. Michelle turned around to face Vince.
"It stands for 'Time and Relative Dimensions in Space'," Michelle answered. Vince looked at Michelle and nodded, pretending that he understood what she said. The Doctor turned around to face the trio.
"You better grab hold of something attached to the wall or floor, chances are you'll be flung about somewhat," the Doctor said. With one click of a button, the TARDIS set off for its destination.

"Are we there yet?" Vince whispered. The Doctor nodded to Vince and made a signal for the others to come over to the door. The trio got up off the floor and stood behind the Doctor. As the Doctor opened the door, it creaked. The Doctor tried to make as little sound as possible. They quietly crept out of the TARDIS and to the door on the other side of the small room.
"Where are we?" Howard asked.
"Probably in a small closet or store room, that's usually where I end up if I'm going in to a building or a sort of ship or a spacecraft," the Doctor answered, whilst trying to find the doorknob in a dark room. Michelle for the handle with the Doctor, when they found the handle, Michelle already had her hand on the handle, the Doctor put his hand on top of Michelle's hand. In the dark, the Doctor and Michelle smiled at each other. Through the dark, Vince saw what happened and wasn't too happy about it.
"Will you just open the door?!" Vince hissed. Howard smirked at Vince and leaned over to him.
"Jealous, are we?" Howard whispered through sniggers. Vince hit Howard with the back of his hand and he stopped sniggering. Michelle and the Doctor opened the door a crack, and looked Michelle looked through to check for any security.
"Nothing, let's go," she said. The Doctor and Michelle opened the door the rest of the way. The Doctor, Michelle, Vince and Howard walked out of the room, still looking around to make sure there wasn't anybody there. Howard walked around, still looking for anyone, but then she caught the site from the window in the corner of his eye.
"Oh my God," Howard muttered under his breath. Michelle turned, wondering what Howard was muttering about, and she smiled to herself. It had been a long time until she had seen space from here, and she reacted the same way when she saw it for the first time. Vince didn't exactly react in the same way, he was too jealous, although he couldn't help but look.
"Come on, we need to go," The Doctor whispered, he took Michelle's hand and grabbed Howard's arm, pulling them both from the window. The Doctor looked up at Vince, who was standing in the middle of the room, with a look of disbelief on his face.
The Doctor glanced around the room and the hallway, looking out for any guards, he then glanced back to Vince, he was still stood in the middle of the room, looking down at his feet with his hands by his side. "Vince!"
Vince looked up to see the Doctor looking at him. Vince took a deep breath and sighed, then he followed the Doctor and stood up against the wall